Unfortunately, that was not a typo. 27 hours of sick is exactly that: from 4 pm yesterday when I crawled into bed fully dressed to 7 pm tonight when I finally managed to untangle myself from the heated blanket on the couch. There were some moments when I felt ok--somehow I made it to the couch from the bed in order to eat some chickens wings, for example--but there were a lot of zomg I am going to fall the *beep* over!!! when ever I tried to stand up. (And if you have never experienced those moments when you are afraid you cannot stand because your legs are buckling under you, well, I admit to being kind of jeaulous. Because they are not fun.)
Luckily, luckily, I had been working like a crazy person on studying. I missed a required lab, but am going to see if I can get it excused becaues of the Lyme-wakeup-symptoms. Losing an 8 hour shift of homework sucks, royally, but I may be able to crawl out of it, as I have being working relentlessly.
The weather has been ridiculously beautiful here, and I am stuck inside unable to do anything. And it sucks. Sucks because I want to go outside. Sucks because I know I only have X amount of energy, and it has to be spent studying.
And it is not fun to be studying exercise physiology, and being reminded of all the dreams that I have lost because of this Lyme beast--of running, biking, swimming, not to mention riding...all of the things that I felt defined me. I am not going to go on in this vein, because I have a chunk of studying still to go and am making myself even more peeved.
But damn. Lyme sucks.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Maybe it was something I ate...
Because in the space of a weekend, I have gone completely nocturnal. Not just oh, I like to study late and then go to bed. No. Try I like to start my actual thinking day at 4 pm and don't feel like sleeping until it is very bright outside. Hearing roosters crowing while I am studying is feeling normal.
Is this Flagyl? Is this like a preview of a psycho upcoming Herx?
I don't know. I honestly don't know if I am giving a flying fig, because I feel like my study time is being productive. For example: last night I was doing some renal, and thinking to myself that while the professor was talking about how this was difficult conceptually, my favorite physics topic was non-Euclidean geometry. Interactive thingy to show difference explanation 1 explanation 2 It is really weird stuff, but very cool to think about.
While med school is hard, it ain't no Lobachevskian geometry (yeah, not technically correct, but who cares??). :)
Is this Flagyl? Is this like a preview of a psycho upcoming Herx?
I don't know. I honestly don't know if I am giving a flying fig, because I feel like my study time is being productive. For example: last night I was doing some renal, and thinking to myself that while the professor was talking about how this was difficult conceptually, my favorite physics topic was non-Euclidean geometry. Interactive thingy to show difference explanation 1 explanation 2 It is really weird stuff, but very cool to think about.
While med school is hard, it ain't no Lobachevskian geometry (yeah, not technically correct, but who cares??). :)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Dr. Seuss
I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead
and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat.
I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me!
(Note: My bat is called 400 mg doxycycline and 500 mg Flagyl/day with 1.2 million units of Bicillin LA as deep IM once a week!)
Some come from ahead
and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat.
I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me!
(Note: My bat is called 400 mg doxycycline and 500 mg Flagyl/day with 1.2 million units of Bicillin LA as deep IM once a week!)
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
From Nice and Super Relaxing to Uh Oh in 30 s.!
So this morning I crawled out of bed, determined to get the abx down and to take the Trakehner, Boo, for a walk. I have been craving horse time to no end---there is nothing like being physically un-freaking able to do anything with the expensive hay burners outside to make you desperately desire to do more with them!!
Anyway, I stuffed a pocket full of gluten free crackers, grabbed my coffee cup and stumbled the fifteen steps to the girls. Everyone got a flake of hay, except for Boo. Being a verrrrry opinionated girl, I had to cajole her down the driveway with the cooing idea of grass (her super opinionated self is why she was capable of convincing people that she was not rideable....she just happens to be super sensitive and totally uncapable of dealing with any fitting issues. Period.). A few minutes later, she was cheerfully nibbling on a little bit of grass by the side of the road while I was drinking my coffee and eating a few crackers. Perfect.
Then...I happened to look up by my house, in time to see a very large, very upset, very obnoxious mare prancing around, squawking her head off for Boo. I sighed. My morning was about to get waaay more interesting, very quickly. Boo and I watched nonchalantly as the Sofa Monster cavorted past the gates, pranced past my car, trotted veryfast down the driveway and somehow ended up on the extremely narrow strip of ground between the electric fence and a steep bank beside the road. I cannot justify to myself how such a big obnoxious creature managed to fit in a small space without shocking the snot out of herself, but she did. And it was ridiculous.
While this display of abominable behavior was going on, Boo and I were slowly making our way the 20 feet along the roadside to the beginning of the driveway. Rude obnoxious super big mare somehow pivoted 360 degrees in said narrow space to follow us back to the stalls, squawking about how we were so awful to leave her behind. Ugh.
Boo got tucked in with a little extra hay to nibble, and I managed to rehang the gate the Sofa had lifted off its hinges and left hanging by its chain while she demonstrated her superior atheletic skills and herd bound qualities. I put her away with no fuss, as the mare she routinely beats the snot out of (and obviously cannot live without) was back next to her.
Wait. It gets better.
I then went to let the chickens out. I really enjoy my little outside hens...they are super cute and funny and like to follow me places. I opened the basement door and pulled the hose out, intending to water the horses, and accidentally left the door open.
I took a scoop full of water to the hens, and was admiring them in all their fluffy hen-ness, when I got the feeling I was being watched. And I was. By my mass-chicken-murdering Husky cross, who was poised in the open basement door, evaluating how many chickens were loose.
I screamed for him, and started my panting way up the hill. Of course, the turdball turned around and pranced up by the car, waving his tail gleefully. He was determined that he was going to have a fabulous morning!
Luckily, I had skanky old meat wrapping by the stairs to rattle for him, and he came at warp speed (miraculously without killing anything!). I gave him several treats for coming in, leaned against the fall for a few minutes as I was panting with exertion, and fed the ponies breakfast.
I then did 2 hours of homework, met with my favorite person at school, dealt with a friend's Lyme entertainment, and then came home to do insane amounts of homework. I think I need stronger coffee, with an IV drip, post haste, because the stuff I'm drinking did not prepare me for all that!
Anyway, I stuffed a pocket full of gluten free crackers, grabbed my coffee cup and stumbled the fifteen steps to the girls. Everyone got a flake of hay, except for Boo. Being a verrrrry opinionated girl, I had to cajole her down the driveway with the cooing idea of grass (her super opinionated self is why she was capable of convincing people that she was not rideable....she just happens to be super sensitive and totally uncapable of dealing with any fitting issues. Period.). A few minutes later, she was cheerfully nibbling on a little bit of grass by the side of the road while I was drinking my coffee and eating a few crackers. Perfect.
Then...I happened to look up by my house, in time to see a very large, very upset, very obnoxious mare prancing around, squawking her head off for Boo. I sighed. My morning was about to get waaay more interesting, very quickly. Boo and I watched nonchalantly as the Sofa Monster cavorted past the gates, pranced past my car, trotted veryfast down the driveway and somehow ended up on the extremely narrow strip of ground between the electric fence and a steep bank beside the road. I cannot justify to myself how such a big obnoxious creature managed to fit in a small space without shocking the snot out of herself, but she did. And it was ridiculous.
While this display of abominable behavior was going on, Boo and I were slowly making our way the 20 feet along the roadside to the beginning of the driveway. Rude obnoxious super big mare somehow pivoted 360 degrees in said narrow space to follow us back to the stalls, squawking about how we were so awful to leave her behind. Ugh.
Boo got tucked in with a little extra hay to nibble, and I managed to rehang the gate the Sofa had lifted off its hinges and left hanging by its chain while she demonstrated her superior atheletic skills and herd bound qualities. I put her away with no fuss, as the mare she routinely beats the snot out of (and obviously cannot live without) was back next to her.
Wait. It gets better.
I then went to let the chickens out. I really enjoy my little outside hens...they are super cute and funny and like to follow me places. I opened the basement door and pulled the hose out, intending to water the horses, and accidentally left the door open.
I took a scoop full of water to the hens, and was admiring them in all their fluffy hen-ness, when I got the feeling I was being watched. And I was. By my mass-chicken-murdering Husky cross, who was poised in the open basement door, evaluating how many chickens were loose.
I screamed for him, and started my panting way up the hill. Of course, the turdball turned around and pranced up by the car, waving his tail gleefully. He was determined that he was going to have a fabulous morning!
Luckily, I had skanky old meat wrapping by the stairs to rattle for him, and he came at warp speed (miraculously without killing anything!). I gave him several treats for coming in, leaned against the fall for a few minutes as I was panting with exertion, and fed the ponies breakfast.
I then did 2 hours of homework, met with my favorite person at school, dealt with a friend's Lyme entertainment, and then came home to do insane amounts of homework. I think I need stronger coffee, with an IV drip, post haste, because the stuff I'm drinking did not prepare me for all that!
Monday, February 21, 2011
alyson1derland: Good Day!
Yesterday, I had a fantastic day. I felt wonderful! I went on a mad cleaning spree and laughed at the thought that no one has ever been so happy to be cleaning the bathroom. I made it through the whole day without having a nasty "Lyme crash." My energy level stayed constant, which is rather unusual for this disease. I took two extra long bath breaks so I would be forced to rest a while.
I am starting to have more good days. I am through the Herx from my new medicine and now I've just started my two week medicine break. No two days in a row are ever the same with Lyme, but I'm very hopeful for more good days!
I am starting to have more good days. I am through the Herx from my new medicine and now I've just started my two week medicine break. No two days in a row are ever the same with Lyme, but I'm very hopeful for more good days!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Slowly
Sometimes I can almost forget that I have Lyme. I can think kind of clearly, feed the ponies, and do my studying. And then there are days like today, when I feel like someone hit me with a bag of bricks. For someone who desperately clings to any shred of getting better, I find that days like today really do a number to my motivation.
I have insane test phobia about anything to do with anatomy. My mind goes *blank*. It is as if the lightswitch in my brain turns OFF. The hours of studying are still stacked there, but without a light it is impossible to see the information.
Out of the bad has come some good--I stumbled into a really great learning advisor at school, and she has been wonderfully encouraging. And--she believes in Lyme. Zomg! She actually believes that this is real, that I am not just making up smack to explain my sucky test performances in between the Bs.
I brought in my notes, calendar, and planner to show her last week. I think she was a little surprised at the level of organization, but was pleased that I am so organized. I explained my pet PEEVE: my studying is the same for the Bs and the bads. It is the brain function that is different!
At least now I have someone that I feel is on my side who spends the time working with me, figuring out how to work with this prison-body/mind complex. (Instead of spending the time breaking me down!!)
Exam tomorrow on OMT. I think it is going to be good, despite the Lyme brick symptoms of today. I gave myself as much rest as my body needed, and when I was ready, I began to study. And was pleasantly surprised with what I remembered. :)
I have insane test phobia about anything to do with anatomy. My mind goes *blank*. It is as if the lightswitch in my brain turns OFF. The hours of studying are still stacked there, but without a light it is impossible to see the information.
Out of the bad has come some good--I stumbled into a really great learning advisor at school, and she has been wonderfully encouraging. And--she believes in Lyme. Zomg! She actually believes that this is real, that I am not just making up smack to explain my sucky test performances in between the Bs.
I brought in my notes, calendar, and planner to show her last week. I think she was a little surprised at the level of organization, but was pleased that I am so organized. I explained my pet PEEVE: my studying is the same for the Bs and the bads. It is the brain function that is different!
At least now I have someone that I feel is on my side who spends the time working with me, figuring out how to work with this prison-body/mind complex. (Instead of spending the time breaking me down!!)
Exam tomorrow on OMT. I think it is going to be good, despite the Lyme brick symptoms of today. I gave myself as much rest as my body needed, and when I was ready, I began to study. And was pleasantly surprised with what I remembered. :)
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Negativity
I have to admit that I have become a serious pessimist. My thoughts are never what if this works? but are what if this doesn't work? What if I can't do it? Then I get caught in some wild circle of upset-ness and work myself into a fit of being convinced that I can't do snot.
My bf called me on this, big time, tonight. He pointed out that despite studying like a mofo for forever, I was convinced that I was going to fail the test--no questions asked. That was allowing myself to go ahead into some dark pessimistic place and never come out...and entertain things like should I quit school? Is this too much? etc.
Being a very smart man, he pointed out the oddity of me going through all the hoops to get into med school and to get my Lyme diagnosis....at the same time. That the reality of the situation was that I am in a very good place to spread knowledge about this disease (and after a moment, I had to admit that yeah I know for a fact that at least the administration at my school knows about this disease...probably most of my classmates. So that is what, maybe 500 or so people who maybe didn't take Lyme seriously before and now possibly consider it as a real diagnosis?). And in that light, with those numbers, this fight seems to be a seriously good thing.
Gearing up for the battle tomorrow...and thinking of Sun Tzu. And how I intend to march myself home tomorrow night, take a short nap, get prepped for class, and actually go to school for the first time this year beyond required stuff. You heard that right!!---I am going to class because I am feeling better. Hal-e-freaking-lujah.
My bf called me on this, big time, tonight. He pointed out that despite studying like a mofo for forever, I was convinced that I was going to fail the test--no questions asked. That was allowing myself to go ahead into some dark pessimistic place and never come out...and entertain things like should I quit school? Is this too much? etc.
Being a very smart man, he pointed out the oddity of me going through all the hoops to get into med school and to get my Lyme diagnosis....at the same time. That the reality of the situation was that I am in a very good place to spread knowledge about this disease (and after a moment, I had to admit that yeah I know for a fact that at least the administration at my school knows about this disease...probably most of my classmates. So that is what, maybe 500 or so people who maybe didn't take Lyme seriously before and now possibly consider it as a real diagnosis?). And in that light, with those numbers, this fight seems to be a seriously good thing.
Gearing up for the battle tomorrow...and thinking of Sun Tzu. And how I intend to march myself home tomorrow night, take a short nap, get prepped for class, and actually go to school for the first time this year beyond required stuff. You heard that right!!---I am going to class because I am feeling better. Hal-e-freaking-lujah.
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