Slowly

Sometimes I can almost forget that I have Lyme.  I can think kind of clearly, feed the ponies, and do my studying.  And then there are days like today, when I feel like someone hit me with a bag of bricks.  For someone who desperately clings to any shred of getting better, I find that days like today really do a number to my motivation. 

I have insane test phobia about anything to do with anatomy.  My mind goes *blank*.  It is as if the lightswitch in my brain turns OFF.  The hours of studying are still stacked there, but without a light it is impossible to see the information.

Out of the bad has come some good--I stumbled into a really great learning advisor at school, and she has been wonderfully encouraging.  And--she believes in Lyme.  Zomg!  She actually believes that this is real, that I am not just making up smack to explain my sucky test performances in between the Bs. 

I brought in my notes, calendar, and planner to show her last week.  I think she was a little surprised at the level of organization, but was pleased that I am so organized.  I explained my pet PEEVE: my studying is the same for the Bs and the bads.  It is the brain function that is different! 

At least now I have someone that I feel is on my side who spends the time working with me, figuring out how to work with this prison-body/mind complex.  (Instead of spending the time breaking me down!!)

Exam tomorrow on OMT.  I think it is going to be good, despite the Lyme brick symptoms of today.  I gave myself as much rest as my body needed, and when I was ready, I began to study. And was pleasantly surprised with what I remembered.  :)