I have to admit that I have become a serious pessimist. My thoughts are never what if this works? but are what if this doesn't work? What if I can't do it? Then I get caught in some wild circle of upset-ness and work myself into a fit of being convinced that I can't do snot.
My bf called me on this, big time, tonight. He pointed out that despite studying like a mofo for forever, I was convinced that I was going to fail the test--no questions asked. That was allowing myself to go ahead into some dark pessimistic place and never come out...and entertain things like should I quit school? Is this too much? etc.
Being a very smart man, he pointed out the oddity of me going through all the hoops to get into med school and to get my Lyme diagnosis....at the same time. That the reality of the situation was that I am in a very good place to spread knowledge about this disease (and after a moment, I had to admit that yeah I know for a fact that at least the administration at my school knows about this disease...probably most of my classmates. So that is what, maybe 500 or so people who maybe didn't take Lyme seriously before and now possibly consider it as a real diagnosis?). And in that light, with those numbers, this fight seems to be a seriously good thing.
Gearing up for the battle tomorrow...and thinking of Sun Tzu. And how I intend to march myself home tomorrow night, take a short nap, get prepped for class, and actually go to school for the first time this year beyond required stuff. You heard that right!!---I am going to class because I am feeling better. Hal-e-freaking-lujah.
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