Hmphf.

Wednesday @ 9 am: Pathology final exam.
Thursday @ 4:55 pm: OPP final practical exam.
Friday @ 8 am: Immuno/TIPC final exams.

I think I am on the edge of burning out.  I feel like I am in this creepy silence, almost in a holding pattern of not feeling/thinking/something. 

Tomorrow, the bank will make a decision about the purchase of dream property.  I am afraid. 

I spent almost two hours with the chickens in my sort of garden this evening.  That was time I could have spent studying (as is this! ha!), but I had pulled off 4 consecutive hours of quality work and just needed something else.  Something different. 

I had four episodes of vertigo, where I literally had to lock my legs and focus on a piece of trash that I wanted to pick up or a weed I wanted to pull.  I have a weird memory of the seizure I had in December...I felt as if I was walking along a tightrope in a dark room, and opened a small wooden door into some green open silence.  And then I was on the tightrope again, feeling as if I was walking back, and I realized I was looking at my mother (she had grabbed me when she saw me fall so I wouldn't hit my head on the ice).  The vertigo kind of felt like that...as if I looked the right way, felt the right way, the path would open up to that door.  It was not a good feeling.  I did a lot of sitting. 

Having written that odd, more than a little disturbing recollection, I am wondering if my "silent" feelings are related to feeling that path/door route again.  I don't know.  Don't really want to know either. 

Pretty, the Spitzhauben, did a lot of getting herself totally into whatever I was doing--she was in the hole I was trying to dig, she was scratching dirt, she was sitting in my lap, walking over my legs...just everywhere.  After I dug holes with my hand fork to plant the irises, I sat with her and used the fork to dig up small rocks and pieces of trash. 

The lady that owned this place literally kept it as a junkyard.  I have found pretty much everything.  I have my little camera--I need to post pictures--but school is just over-freaking-whelming.  Today I found a butter knife, glass, styrofoam, a buckle, a can, lids, foam padding, quilt batting...the list goes on and on. 

I am going to spend a little time digging there after the exam as a reward.  It is so nice to simply be outside, after spending literally a year trapped in my bed and inside the house.  Sometimes, I feel as if sleep is a prison as I have spent so much of my time asleep. 

But...this weekend, I am going to ride the old monster.  Baby Horse and Teapot went to my mother's house--Baby Horse to get her molar issue examined by another vet, and injectible antibiotics--and old monster came here as he is a cold blooded harpy that lives to harass people he deems inadequate to control him.  After hearing about how he has been kicking at people (his trademark!), I was admittedly tense.  However, he loaded perfectly, and has been on his best behavior period since he got off the trailer.  He needs a serious grooming--he is what, 21?  22?  23? I honestly cannot remember, and would have to look at his papers.  He looks to be barely in the double digits and carries himself like a lion.  The only evidence of age that I see is a bit of white creeping out of his blaze onto his face.